I Love My Mom

 

{my mom, step dad, brother Daniel and brother Randy}

My mom called me today to find out how the job interview went. I told her about my decision to switch my major to elementary education. I was super excited to tell her all about it. It makes me feel good to tell my mom the things I am accomplishing. She told me how proud she was of me and it made me tear up. It was one of the few times I really felt like I had done something that she was really proud of. She told me I would be an amazing teacher. She said I will be patient and a good role model. It was something I needed to hear after I had a very horrible two days at work. My mom also told me they got the coroner report back about my brother Daniels death. The coroner said there was no trauma to his head before death, no alcohol and drugs in his system, and he was not pushed out of the car. The good news is that he didn't suffer before he died but the bad news is that his girlfriends story keeps changing. We are even more puzzled about what really happened. My mom and step dad are fighting for a lie detector test. The hardest part is not knowing what happened. My mom said she was driving to wal-mart today and it was raining pretty hard, a guy walked in front of her car and he looked just like Daniel. She said he looked straight at her. I feel so bad for my parents. I feel bad they are going through this loss. March 4th is Daniels birthday and I think it will be an especially hard day.

I Know What I Want To Do

I feel like I might have things figured out…. Somewhat. Last week I  had a phone interview with a VERY good company. I passed the phone interview with flying colors. They scheduled an in front interview for this past Tuesday. The day before the interview I went into NNU and talked to one of the advisors in the accelerated elementary education program. She had a lot of insightful things to tell me. She wasn’t pushing any particular thing but rather just being a listening ear and offered some words of wisdom and guidance… exactly what I needed at that time. She told me to go to the interview and see what happens. I told her that this company (the interview) would be an amazing place to get into the door if I was going to do business. But if I wasn’t going to do business then I needed to stay at the bank and make it work until I’m done with school. She absolutely agreed. So I went to the interview, I was the top pick of all four candidates. I felt as though I was going to get the job. I could see myself in this big building in downtown Boise. It was a completely different feel from where I’m at now. I saw the cubicles where I would be working and it just seemed like a good place. I had the interview which lasted three hours. I felt okay about the interview but I knew it wasn’t perfect. They asked me about 20 questions that started off “tell me a time when….” It was pretty grueling. I left there feeling okay; I didn’t have this amazing feeling like I wanted to work there. It was a very odd feeling considering this would be an amazing opportunity. It would allow me to make some serious money. But again I wasn’t really excited.  I got the call that night that I didn’t get it. After it settled in a surprising feeling came over me… I didn’t feel disappointed at all. I wasn’t upset but I was just neutral. After talking to Matt about it I finally let myself think about teaching. The more I talked about it the more I liked the idea, the more I wanted it. I told Matt if I did teaching I would never make the big bucks. He just looked at me and said, “Its okay, I will make the big bucks.” This is why I love this guy, he understands me. We talked it over and he said I needed to do what was going to make me happy. The next day I talked to my friend Molly, her husband is doing the same program. I then emailed the advisor and my current advisor. I decided I am switching majors and I’m going to be a teacher.I want to teach either second or third grade. It will be a rewarding job that will make me feel like I am really making a difference. The cons are: I won’t make that much money…. Ever! The pros are: summers off, holiday breaks off, working only 190 days a year, and mainly just enjoying what I do. I already have all these ideas about how “my” class will be. I think of all the fun things I will do, teach, and experience. I am so extremely happy with my decision. It feels right. I think that’s why I wasn’t super excited about the possibility of the new job or super bummed when I didn’t get that job. I finally know what I want to do when I grown up, it only took me ten years!!!

Life Sucks Sometimes

This past week was very sucky. Sometimes I think it’s not worth it being an adult and dealing with adult decisions. Sometimes I think it would be nice to be 19 again without responsibilities and I could make different decision in my life. So a couple of weeks ago I started to wonder if I wanted to be in the business program any longer. I want to stay at school and get a degree but long ago when I first went to college I wanted to be a teacher or a nurse. Fast forward eight years and here I am in the business program. I went and met with an advisor about the nursing program and had all these ideas in my head. I thought I could apply this April and in the fall be in the program…. WRONG. That was such a naïve thought. I have a bunch of general classes under my belt but the nursing program is designed in a way that you will actually be taking some generals while in the program. If I have too many generals then I wouldn’t be considered full time, this would end up costing me A LOT more money. Well that was the first blow. The nursing program has 35 spots and usually 50 apply. This would mean that there would be a good chance I wouldn’t get in. Also my dream of starting in the fall was blown out of the water because I need a couple of chemistry and biology classes before I can even apply. Therefore, I wouldn’t get into the program until 2012…. Ugh. The nail in the coffin was when the advisor said the nursing students don’t work. After I left I was shocked, surprised, sad, and disappointed. Matt and I talked it over and it would be a big leap to apply, maybe not get accepted, and find out I’m not accepted around the time I would have been graduating from the business program. Well this wasn’t even the worst part. On Friday I met with my friend Molly at work in a private office and I told her everything that was going on. Before I knew it I was balling my eyes out. It hit me that I was an adult now with responsibilities. I messed up…. I messed up because I didn’t take the opportunity to finish school eight years ago when life was easier and responsibilities were nonexistent. It finally hit me that the nursing program wasn’t an option unless I was going to be selfish. Next year Matt will quit his job (or go to 20hr a week) to pursue his IT program and me quitting my job was not an option. It was a crushing, defeating feeling. Even with all of the sadness I realized a couple of things. First, I love being at NNU. The university has helped me become more spiritually connected in my heart and it makes me feel like a good person. Second, I love my husband because he stands by me even when the decision doesn’t seem like the right one. Third, I have good friends who are always there to listen to me. And lastly, life does suck sometimes and it may not go the way you want but when God closes a door, He opens another.

McCall 2011

This past weekend we went to McCall for the winter carnical with some of our family. It was crazy, stressful, relaxing, and fun all at the same time! Probably my best time was tubing down the hill at the activity barn and walking the streets of McCall looking for ice sculptures. Next time we are going when there is no winter carnival going on.

Here are a few snapshots of our weekend.

This is our niece Olive and nephew Izayus. Olive was very cold and didn't enjoy the tubing hill!

 This is the tubing hill, there are four lanes that you can choose to go down.

 

Me and my hubby, he hates when I do these type of pictures but he's a good sport.

These are just some of the ice sculptures. It was really amazing to see the art people could do in the snow.

Guard Your Heart

I was doing some homework for my philosophy class the other night and came across this scripture from Proverbs 4:23, "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." This scripture fit into my life perfectly. It summed up how I felt at one point in my life. Four years into my relationship with Matt we broke up. This chapter in my life was very difficult but in the end it was exactly what we needed.

We had started dating when we were both young. He had not been in any relationships prior to us and I had been in a few horrible ones. We both didn't know what we were getting into and I definitely didn't know what a good relationship was. The first year of dating was rough. I was extremely jealous and wasn't confident in myself. I smothered our relationship and he wanted out. Almost exactly four years to the day into our relationship we broke up. My life seemed like it was over. We had started our life together and at that time were living together and I couldn't image my future without him. 

My life seemed to crumble around me and my heart literally felt like it was torn in half. I cried so much I wondered if my eyes would ever dry up and stop forming tears. I couldn't function at work and I couldn't function outside of work. Most of all I realized how much I loved him and wanted him. For four years I thought I "needed" him but during that time I knew I wanted him. I could only imagine my future with him. 

I finally broke down and called my mom and told her. I felt like I was letting my family down because they loved him almost as much as I did. After I told my mom what happened and cried a million more tears she told me, "If you love him let him go, if he comes back to you, he's yours forever." It seemed like such a corny saying but it sort of comforted me. After weeks of being depressed and sad I decided that night that I was going to move on… somehow. If we were meant to be it would happen eventually.

That night Matt called me, in tears, and said he wanted us back together. We got back together but from that day I built a wall around my heart, I guarded it from my anyone. The pain of a broken heart was too much to bear and I felt I could guard my heart from that pain. 

A year later he proposed to me, I said yes but I still guarded my heart. I was not going to let that pain break my heart again. I prayed every night asking God to help me. I wanted to let him back in but I just couldn't. Finally, not long before we walked down the aisle I let the wall down around my heart and let him in. 

I love Matt with my full heart. Our relationship is more than anything I could imagine. He is my better half, my best friend, and a perfect match for me. I realize now that we each need to be our own person and we need to know how to grow separately but still stay connected as a unit. Its hard when you grow up with a dysfunctional family and you don’t know what a good relationship is. Matt and I have grown so much in the last nine years and I thank God every day for putting us together.

Reality Fetish

I love reality shows almost as much as I love my geek! Just kidding. I do love reality shows A LOT! They make my day. When I'm feeling down in the dumps I just curl up on the couch with good ol' reality show drama. I eat drama up like its chocolate cake! I don't like drama in my personal life but I can take as much as you want to give me on T.V. Now that I'm in school I don't get to watch tv as much but I will skip hanging out with friends to watch my reality shows. Is this bad? Below is a list of the reality shows I watch. Not all are on right now but some will be coming back on very soon....

Millionaire Matchmaker

The Real World

True Life

16 and Pregnant

Teen Mom

Teen Mom 2

Tabatha's Salon Takeover

Real Housewives of NY

Real Housewives of New Jersey

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

Real Housewives of New Jersey

Bethany Getting Married

Rachel Zoe Project

Deadliest Catch

Basketball Wives

Storage Wars

Married to Rock

The Kardashians

Sarah Palin's Alaska

Project Runway

Jerseylicious

And I'm sure many more....

Life Changes In A Second

 

On December 31, 2010 my brother Daniel was taken from us. It came as shock to our whole family. He left behind his daughter Taylie who we will cherish always. We will make sure to keep Little Daniel's memory alive and tell Taylie who her father was. 

My heart is broken for Taylie and our family. I wish everyday that things could be different. I pray to God that our pain will be healed. The only thing that comforts me is knowing that Little Daniel is in heaven. Rest In Peace little brother, WE all love you.

For more information on his death follow this link:

http://www.wishtv.com/dpp/news/local/east_central/questions-surround-mans-deadly-fall?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+WISHTV_News+%28WISHTV.com+|+Indianapolis%2C+IN+-+News%29 

What Am I Doing?

I decided today {01/16/11} to start a blog. I have thought about doing this before but never got the courage to do it. Its a new year with new and exciting adventures! I'm not sure how much of my blog I am going to share with family and friends but this is a place for me to share some things about myself. 

First off, let me explain a little about myself. I am married to a geek named Matt who I fondly call Feo. If you are of the Spanish speaking variety you might wonder why his name is Feo since it means ugly. Well, Matt is definitely not ugly actually far from it. He's an amazing man who puts up with my antics on a daily basis. He's kind, sensitive, loving, patient, and extremely smart. The nick name Feo was given to him by his grandfather who has since passed away. I love the story behind it and the memories it carries.
Feo and I have Mog and Stiltzkin, our two cats and Cid our crazy obnoxious dog. These fur balls of ours were named after Final Fantasy characters, very fitting since I am married to a game geek. We are going on ten years together and almost three years of marriage. Our life together hasn't always been perfect but its our definition of perfect!

I can't wait to share some of my life with someone who will listen! I hope this blog puts a smile on someone's face, I know it will put a smile on mine!