Life Sucks Sometimes

This past week was very sucky. Sometimes I think it’s not worth it being an adult and dealing with adult decisions. Sometimes I think it would be nice to be 19 again without responsibilities and I could make different decision in my life. So a couple of weeks ago I started to wonder if I wanted to be in the business program any longer. I want to stay at school and get a degree but long ago when I first went to college I wanted to be a teacher or a nurse. Fast forward eight years and here I am in the business program. I went and met with an advisor about the nursing program and had all these ideas in my head. I thought I could apply this April and in the fall be in the program…. WRONG. That was such a naïve thought. I have a bunch of general classes under my belt but the nursing program is designed in a way that you will actually be taking some generals while in the program. If I have too many generals then I wouldn’t be considered full time, this would end up costing me A LOT more money. Well that was the first blow. The nursing program has 35 spots and usually 50 apply. This would mean that there would be a good chance I wouldn’t get in. Also my dream of starting in the fall was blown out of the water because I need a couple of chemistry and biology classes before I can even apply. Therefore, I wouldn’t get into the program until 2012…. Ugh. The nail in the coffin was when the advisor said the nursing students don’t work. After I left I was shocked, surprised, sad, and disappointed. Matt and I talked it over and it would be a big leap to apply, maybe not get accepted, and find out I’m not accepted around the time I would have been graduating from the business program. Well this wasn’t even the worst part. On Friday I met with my friend Molly at work in a private office and I told her everything that was going on. Before I knew it I was balling my eyes out. It hit me that I was an adult now with responsibilities. I messed up…. I messed up because I didn’t take the opportunity to finish school eight years ago when life was easier and responsibilities were nonexistent. It finally hit me that the nursing program wasn’t an option unless I was going to be selfish. Next year Matt will quit his job (or go to 20hr a week) to pursue his IT program and me quitting my job was not an option. It was a crushing, defeating feeling. Even with all of the sadness I realized a couple of things. First, I love being at NNU. The university has helped me become more spiritually connected in my heart and it makes me feel like a good person. Second, I love my husband because he stands by me even when the decision doesn’t seem like the right one. Third, I have good friends who are always there to listen to me. And lastly, life does suck sometimes and it may not go the way you want but when God closes a door, He opens another.